Saturday, August 11, 2012
The Weakest Link?
The other day, my nanny said to me that Baby R is already treating/reacting to us all slightly differently. For example, she said, Baby R knows she can get away with more with me as compared to Mr. R! me!!!! The weakest link? How did that happen? I thought you cannot spoil a baby! It's true, I have become a big softie and push-over. But does my baby know that already? All kidding aside, this innocuous remark had me thinking more and more recently about what kind of parent I want to be. I want her to grow up independent. That's going to be hard when all I want to do is be by her side. Sigh, see, push-over.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Bullies and a Mother's Wish
School teacher told me today, that Little Guy can knock his opponents out now during a "fight".
I do not tolerate violence. But I also believe standing up for oneself and defending oneself against violence, especially being smallest in age/size in this world of bullies.
Our parents and teacher used to just tell us, the act of violence is just wrong, period. But what about the cause for such violence? What about self-defense? I feel that the key is to teach Little Guy that it is okay to protect himself, but he should NEVER become a bully.
His parents are both sensible and pragmatic people who can hold opinions of their own and not care much about what others think of ourselves. At the same time, we are also sensitive towards other people's needs and know right from wrong.
I don't wish for Ivy League or fancy title in Little Guy's future, but I do hope he grows to be a man with right set of values.
And of course, eats well, sleeps well, healthy, and happy. (Very tall order!)
I do not tolerate violence. But I also believe standing up for oneself and defending oneself against violence, especially being smallest in age/size in this world of bullies.
Our parents and teacher used to just tell us, the act of violence is just wrong, period. But what about the cause for such violence? What about self-defense? I feel that the key is to teach Little Guy that it is okay to protect himself, but he should NEVER become a bully.
His parents are both sensible and pragmatic people who can hold opinions of their own and not care much about what others think of ourselves. At the same time, we are also sensitive towards other people's needs and know right from wrong.
I don't wish for Ivy League or fancy title in Little Guy's future, but I do hope he grows to be a man with right set of values.
And of course, eats well, sleeps well, healthy, and happy. (Very tall order!)
Sunday, June 10, 2012
About Yummies
In the first 4 months of Little Guy's life, he practically was exclusively breast fed. We started trying the bottles at 3 weeks and it was too late. Not only was he immuned to nipple confusion, but he was also way too crystal clear about what his preference was. So when I had to go back to work at 4 months post-partum, we've tried practically every thing there is to try with the bottles. Often times I ended up singing this endless song that goes something like, "Incoming yummies, incoming yummies, incoming yummies, incoming yummies..." Trust me, the tune is way more interesting than the lyrics.
So till this day, he still calls his milk bottle "yummies". Or more accurately, "mummus."
So when it comes to food, we often use words other than "yummies". But they are all yummy! Since he was old enough to try solids, we didn't use rice cereal for long at all. For a foodie like myself, I even went as far as making my own baby food. I can count the jars/packs of pre-packed baby food he's ever consumed in two hands. And most of them are during this one road trip up to Canada.
And when I make our own baby food, I never added much salt or sugar. But I've always been adventurous when it comes to spices. Spinach oatmeal puree with a hint of cilatnro, basil, and garlic; sweet potato and carrots puree with a sprinkle of cinnamon; chicken soup mush cooked with bay leaves, rubbed sage, and dash of black pepper. Seeing how liberal we used our spices, our nanny started to make him grilled cheese sandwich with dijon mustard!
However, when he turned one, we've gone through this puzzling change and now back to the original Little Guy. Soon after he turned one, we started to give him soy milk which really went well with his digestive system. Unfortunately with the uncertainty about soy estrogen, we quickly had to switch over to cow's milk. And nothing against cow's milk, but it seems to give him way more constipation than ever! He is also doing quite a lot of vomiting whenever something gags him slightly. More troubling, when he does vomit, food he ate 12 hours ago come back up! How is that possible? Does he have delayed digestion? At the same time, my Little Guy who used to eat anything is refusing practically any solid food and would only drink milk! That worried us and therefore we sought professional help. Upon talking to us for 10 minutes and looked through his chart, the doctor immediately told us his slowed digestion is probably due to his constipation; when the pipe is not clear, nothing goes through! First thing to do is to cut his milk down by at least half. Second thing is to start offering him the food he seemed to resist.
The result is a little guy who loves marsala tiki chicken over chicken nuggets and turkey chili with a hint of dark chocolate over mac-n-cheese! We got our lovely little eater back! He loves food! Real life adult food too!
In this world where everyone gives you different ways to raise a child, (where one theory said don't give fish and some hyper-allergenic food until after 1 yo, the other theory said the earlier you give those food, the less he'll have allergies to them when he grows up), I am definitely glad I listened to the latter and stayed adventurous with food.
After all, what's better than the world of yummies!
Working Mom vs. Working Dad
Recently I interviewed someone for a position at work. Towards the end of a reasonably pleasant interview with ten minutes to spare, I started to chit-chat with him. Do you live around here? How do you like business school? Do you have any kids?
A 40-days old was his answer.
I told him he is crazier than I, who interviewed when Little Guy was just 3 months old and I was still on maternity leave. When he offered the information that his wife doesn't work and both sets of grand parents take turn to come help with child care, I casually made a comment that, "Yah, it's generally easier for working dad than for working mom."
He wanted to argue but smartly backed down.
It puzzles me why he even saw the need to argue. It is much harder on working moms than working dads, PERIOD!
I would never think about comparing working moms and stay-at-home-moms, because I think it often times comes down to reality and personal preference. And regardless which one was the cause, both jobs are extremely taxing. At the same time, I would never think about comparing working moms and working dads either...because there is no comparison could be made!
Do working dads need haul an extra bag of pumping contraption daily to work, and try to schedule at few a couple pumping sessions between meetings? And if not, you may need to be stuck with rock-hard breasts that may start to leak through to your dress shirts? Do working dads need to try to explain to TSA when going through airport security that those frozen bags are indeed breast milk? Do working dads need to make sure they eat constantly so they don't feel like fainting from literally being sucked dry by your offsprings? And it's not just about the breast feeding aspect of things. I heard plenty of working dads able to travel on "necessary" business trips weeks or even days after baby were born. I think I can count a handful of working moms who are able to do so. Yet working moms are expected to perform just the same as working dads.
On top of that, as much as the society wants to demonstrate gender equality, daycares seem to contact moms first prior to dads.
Bottom line is, moms are just super women!
A 40-days old was his answer.
I told him he is crazier than I, who interviewed when Little Guy was just 3 months old and I was still on maternity leave. When he offered the information that his wife doesn't work and both sets of grand parents take turn to come help with child care, I casually made a comment that, "Yah, it's generally easier for working dad than for working mom."
He wanted to argue but smartly backed down.
It puzzles me why he even saw the need to argue. It is much harder on working moms than working dads, PERIOD!
I would never think about comparing working moms and stay-at-home-moms, because I think it often times comes down to reality and personal preference. And regardless which one was the cause, both jobs are extremely taxing. At the same time, I would never think about comparing working moms and working dads either...because there is no comparison could be made!
Do working dads need haul an extra bag of pumping contraption daily to work, and try to schedule at few a couple pumping sessions between meetings? And if not, you may need to be stuck with rock-hard breasts that may start to leak through to your dress shirts? Do working dads need to try to explain to TSA when going through airport security that those frozen bags are indeed breast milk? Do working dads need to make sure they eat constantly so they don't feel like fainting from literally being sucked dry by your offsprings? And it's not just about the breast feeding aspect of things. I heard plenty of working dads able to travel on "necessary" business trips weeks or even days after baby were born. I think I can count a handful of working moms who are able to do so. Yet working moms are expected to perform just the same as working dads.
On top of that, as much as the society wants to demonstrate gender equality, daycares seem to contact moms first prior to dads.
Bottom line is, moms are just super women!
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Happy Mother's Day!
Second Mother's Day.
On my first Mother's Day last year, I actually had my son in my arms and my Mom in my apartment. It was suppose to be a day with brunch and lots of wonderful experiences. Turned out, I had to catch a flight out to a conference that afternoon (who starts a conference on Mother's Day?!!) and Little Guy broke out in rash that sent us to Urgent Care. It turned out to be roseola, which by the time of rash made an appearance, the worst has past. It was more a stressful day than a joyous day.
Since this day last year, we've done a whole ton. We moved to the suburbs; we have done two international travel to our hometowns; we celebrated Little Guy's first birthday; we went to our first family football game; we celebrated Daddy's birthday; we survived a winter full of ear infections; we went through our first surgery; we had our first scare; we celebrated Twi-twi's birthday; we celebrated Mommy's birthday.
Little Guy went from a baby just learning to eat solids to a little boy running and talking.
On this second Mother's Day, I am thankful for all the care my own mother has given me over the years. I am thankful for all the pseudo mothers out there, caring for other people's children. I am thankful for having a wonderful son, so I can know the joy of being a mother.
Happy Mother's Day to all.
On my first Mother's Day last year, I actually had my son in my arms and my Mom in my apartment. It was suppose to be a day with brunch and lots of wonderful experiences. Turned out, I had to catch a flight out to a conference that afternoon (who starts a conference on Mother's Day?!!) and Little Guy broke out in rash that sent us to Urgent Care. It turned out to be roseola, which by the time of rash made an appearance, the worst has past. It was more a stressful day than a joyous day.
Since this day last year, we've done a whole ton. We moved to the suburbs; we have done two international travel to our hometowns; we celebrated Little Guy's first birthday; we went to our first family football game; we celebrated Daddy's birthday; we survived a winter full of ear infections; we went through our first surgery; we had our first scare; we celebrated Twi-twi's birthday; we celebrated Mommy's birthday.
Little Guy went from a baby just learning to eat solids to a little boy running and talking.
On this second Mother's Day, I am thankful for all the care my own mother has given me over the years. I am thankful for all the pseudo mothers out there, caring for other people's children. I am thankful for having a wonderful son, so I can know the joy of being a mother.
Happy Mother's Day to all.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
The Nanny Search Begins...
Like many working moms out there on maternity leave, there comes a time when you have to go back to work. For me, I sadly have less than 2 months left... one of the most important tasks I have to do before going back to work is to find a Mary Poppins equivalent of a nanny for Baby R. Mr. R and I had already decided to find a nanny (versus using daycare) a few months ago. It was a fairly easy choice as there is not a lot of daycare options around us. And the thought about taking the subways to go to daycare is out of the question. When I was pregnant, I rarely got offered a seat so I can only imagine the horrors of bringing a stroller onto the train during rush hour!! Once I started talking to friends with nannies, I realized, there is so much to consider regarding the logistics of hiring a nanny:
* Know our work schedules (We both hold fairly demanding jobs. Although it's easy to think we can be home by 6PM everyday, it might be harder to practice in real-life)
* Create list of Job Duties (although this seems clear - take care of Baby R, it really is not. Do we ask her to bath Baby R? Wash the bottles? Wash her clothes? Clean her toys? Make her food?)
* Create list of optional Job Duties (I have friends who ask their nannies to do light housekeeping while the baby is asleep. I don't know how I feel about this yet, but perhaps creating a list of optional job duties would be the way to go in tackling some of these non-baby related items)
* Pay package (should we pay off the books? on the books? What kind of vacation times can we offer? Do we offer the nanny all major holidays off with pay?)
* Have a clear set of boundaries, rules (Is TV watching, internet surfing, chatting on the cell phone allowed? How about when the baby is asleep? Can the nanny "hang out" with other nannies? Can they invite other nannies/children into our homes? I must confess, Mr. R and I are both a bit controlling. We definitely don't want to throw a book of rules at the nanny on her first day of work... so this is an area we definitely need to think more about.)
* Discuss our parenting style as so we can find a nanny that is in-line with our style (this would be easy if we actually know what kind of parenting style we have. With Baby R being less than 2 months old, we rarely had to think about this. However, since we need a long-term nanny which we want to keep into Baby R's toddler years, we might have to start thinking about this. Do we want someone who is comfortable enforcing discipline & structure or someone laid back?)
Our search for Baby R's nanny starts tomorrow when I interview our first candidate! I am quite nervous about it. I am sure a lot of this anxiety has to do with knowing I need to separate from Baby R soon and I am essentially trying to find someone to replace me! But that's a whole another blog post ....
Will write more about the interview process soon....Wish me luck!
Like many working moms out there on maternity leave, there comes a time when you have to go back to work. For me, I sadly have less than 2 months left... one of the most important tasks I have to do before going back to work is to find a Mary Poppins equivalent of a nanny for Baby R. Mr. R and I had already decided to find a nanny (versus using daycare) a few months ago. It was a fairly easy choice as there is not a lot of daycare options around us. And the thought about taking the subways to go to daycare is out of the question. When I was pregnant, I rarely got offered a seat so I can only imagine the horrors of bringing a stroller onto the train during rush hour!! Once I started talking to friends with nannies, I realized, there is so much to consider regarding the logistics of hiring a nanny:
* Know our work schedules (We both hold fairly demanding jobs. Although it's easy to think we can be home by 6PM everyday, it might be harder to practice in real-life)
* Create list of Job Duties (although this seems clear - take care of Baby R, it really is not. Do we ask her to bath Baby R? Wash the bottles? Wash her clothes? Clean her toys? Make her food?)
* Create list of optional Job Duties (I have friends who ask their nannies to do light housekeeping while the baby is asleep. I don't know how I feel about this yet, but perhaps creating a list of optional job duties would be the way to go in tackling some of these non-baby related items)
* Pay package (should we pay off the books? on the books? What kind of vacation times can we offer? Do we offer the nanny all major holidays off with pay?)
* Have a clear set of boundaries, rules (Is TV watching, internet surfing, chatting on the cell phone allowed? How about when the baby is asleep? Can the nanny "hang out" with other nannies? Can they invite other nannies/children into our homes? I must confess, Mr. R and I are both a bit controlling. We definitely don't want to throw a book of rules at the nanny on her first day of work... so this is an area we definitely need to think more about.)
* Discuss our parenting style as so we can find a nanny that is in-line with our style (this would be easy if we actually know what kind of parenting style we have. With Baby R being less than 2 months old, we rarely had to think about this. However, since we need a long-term nanny which we want to keep into Baby R's toddler years, we might have to start thinking about this. Do we want someone who is comfortable enforcing discipline & structure or someone laid back?)
Our search for Baby R's nanny starts tomorrow when I interview our first candidate! I am quite nervous about it. I am sure a lot of this anxiety has to do with knowing I need to separate from Baby R soon and I am essentially trying to find someone to replace me! But that's a whole another blog post ....
Will write more about the interview process soon....Wish me luck!
A Day in the Life of One 5-9 Mom
I cannot say I envy the life of a full-time mom.
For one, I cannot spend 24-7 with any person/thing, let alone with a baby, however much I love him. But as reality has it, our family cannot afford a stay-home mom, and therefore it often come at the expense of my time and career advancement. (What career?! You said.)
In case you are curious, this is what my typical (good) day looks like:
Wash, rinse, repeat!
For one, I cannot spend 24-7 with any person/thing, let alone with a baby, however much I love him. But as reality has it, our family cannot afford a stay-home mom, and therefore it often come at the expense of my time and career advancement. (What career?! You said.)
In case you are curious, this is what my typical (good) day looks like:
- 530-6am – Woken up by the Little Guy
- 6-610am – Trying to wake up (or stay asleep?) while the Little Guy crawls all over you
- 610-730am – Feed, clean, change the Little Guy while still trying to wake up. Also prepare Little Guy’s lunchbox, if that wasn’t done the night before. Often around this time Ah-Gong and Ah-Ma (grandparents) will call a billion times to get a 2-minute (so they said, it usually end up to be 20 minutes) Facetime with Little Guy.
- 730-8am – Take turns with Dad to shower while keep Little Guy out of the toilet and away from toilet paper. And get ready for school/work.
- 8-830am – Daycare drop-off. Often times get pushed out the door before you even get a proper kiss goodbye from Little Guy.
- 830-9am – Commute. The true alone time you have.
- 9am-5pm – Work work work. Dealing with other whinny babies who are not related to you. Oh yah, sometimes I need to use lunch time to run an errand, buy grocery, or participate in the seems-like-once-a-week parent-teacher conference that always happens during work hour.
- 5-540pm – Commute. Not as leisurely this time as it often involves battling traffic and trying to make it to daycare before Little Guy becomes the last to be picked up.
- 6-610pm – Pick-up.
- 610-7pm – Grocery shopping or playground. I feel like I go to Trader Joe’s daily. And always to get organic whole milk.
- 7-730pm – Change out of work clothes within 30 second. Let the Puppy go out to potty and play. Unpack Little Guy’s lunchbox, make Little Guy’s dinner, wash bottles, unload dishwasher, load dishwasher (with new dirty dishes), feed Little Guy, have Little Guy reject your food, make more food, coerce/bribe with the feeding, clean the house, make fresh bottles, play with Little Guy. Oh, and don’t forget to feed the Puppy.
- 730-8pm – Bath Little Guy. And lots of play.
- 8pm – Put Little Guy to bed.
- 8-830pm – Prepare and eat dinner. Often fast food or quick meal, hence the unhealthy weight gain.
- 830-10pm – Work if needed. Otherwise laundry, prepare Little Guy’s lunchbox, cuddle with the Puppy, read books or do 10 minutes of Pilates if lucky.
- 10pm-6am – Exhausted. Sleep, unless woken up by Little Guy demanding to eat every 2 hours or hysterical cry due to gassy tummy or constipation, then you can kiss sleep good-bye.
Wash, rinse, repeat!
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