Literacy

Today at the school's Parent-Teacher meeting, the Director talked about literacy.ONe point she stressed was that most parents start introducing literacy by reading to their children. It is a great bonding time and therefore a great motivator for the kids to read more (and enjoy time with mom or dad). 

I can't agree more. Almost every night, Little Guy would grab a book, climb onto the love seat with me, stuff himself in the little crack between Twilight (our dog) and I, and say, "Mommy read!! SNUGGLE!" It always makes me feel quite good. 

Incidentally, I am reading a lot lately and my work-in-progress is a book called "The Perks of Being a Wallflower". Only started so I have no verdict just yet, but it is written in the form of collection of letters written from a teenage boy to his "Dear Friend" (someone I have not yet know who it is.) In the story, it mentioned his mother gave him some books she used to like when she was her age. Perhaps I should do it like Harper Reed (https://harperreed.org/books) and keeps a tally of the books that I liked and Coltrane can later share. 

Just a thought. 

Anything that makes my little boy learn to enjoy and love books would be a delight to me. 

Copy Cat - 2Y2M

Parents of any two year-old will tell you that they have a loud-mouth copy cat at home.

Little Guy's physical ability isn't the most fantastic, but his verbal skill is quite advanced...enough to get us in trouble.

Incident 1
School teachers wrote all parents weekly report, which is broadcast emailed to all parents. One of the reports said, "CC did role play as restaurant owner today. He served eggs, oatmeal, and pizza, and insisted that we call in to order in advance. He said they do that at home."

Great! Now everyone knows we call-in to order for pizza...


Incident 2
Mommy and Daddy are conservative drivers, but we have no patience for bad drivers or aggressive drivers. At the red light, we saw someone does illegal maneuver and said, "Come on!"

Couple days later, waiting at the red light, we heard Little Guy from the back seat, "Come on!"


Incident 3
We tell Little Guy always to "watch out" when he crosses the road because some drivers cannot see him; actually we tell him to never cross the street without us.

Daddy was backing out of the drive way, when Little Guy said, "People, WATCH OUT! My Daddy driving!"

HFMD, Croup, and Pneumonia

HFMD, Croup, and Pneumonia...

What do they have in common? They are the illnesses that Little Guy contracted in the month of September. That made September one of the toughest month for me, working mom, especially when it is end-of-quarter and I was out of office for customer visits and training for almost 1.5 week!

The main cause of such frequent illness really was the change in environment. Due to age cut-off, Little Guy was left behind for one more month so his age requirement meets regulation. A new group of children brought in a new group of illnesses and he got them all!

They all started out with slight sniffle and a fever. Actually, for Little Guy, it often comes with some form of cough and almost daily puke, due to his sensitive gag reflex. Because his history of ear infections, all three episodes also are always followed by me insist on taking him to see Urgent Care doctor, while feeling guilty for wasting medical resources for a common cold. And then we found out at the doctor's that something slightly more serious than a common cold has happened.

Here are my thoughts and summary on these three:

HFMD
Supposedly everyone gets it a little differently, but it often starts with a fever, which is what Little Guy got. For children, it often followed by mouth sores, little blisters on palm or bottom of their feet, but sometimes on arms and legs. The tricky part is, because toddlers cannot describe how they feel yet, it is often hard to know they have mouth sores until way later! However, one very telling sign for Little Guy was when he refused his favorite home-made cookies! Since his mouth sores are all at the back of his throat, we didn't even know it was HFMD until the doctor looked into his mouth!

There isn't a remedy for HFMD, but several key things to remember:

1. Keep them hydrated! The biggest immediate danger for HFMD for toddlers and babies is that they refuse to eat and drink, and therefore gets dehydrated. Monitor their wet diapers closely. They should have at least one wet diaper per 8 hours. 
2. Around the clock pain meds. If you ever had canker sore, you'll know when it hurts, it really hurts! So mange the pain well is one key to recovery quickly. 
3. If the mouth sores are bad, give them some liquid ant-acid. The way liquid ant-acid coats stomach ulcers works for mouth sores too. After 2 days of forcing liquid in any form (water, milk, juice, ice cream...) down his throat, we learned from an advice nurse about the ant-acid. We tried and it worked wonders! They said to give it after he eats, but I often do it before so he won't feel the pain caused by the food as much. 

Other than these, there isn't much you can do but ride it out!

Croup

Bad cough, really bad cough. They'll sound like seal barking. So when you hear it, you know it! Never hurt to double-check with doctors though. Croup is basically a cold virus that affects the throat area instead of sinus area. So Little Guy didn't have much nasal discharge, but the cough was horrific! And because he pukes at the slightest of coughs, it was around the clock laudr-o-mat at our house. Other than that, it's the same wait-it-out story.

Pneumonia

By-product of some other respiratory disease, but we couldn't really self-identify until the doctor ordered a chest x-ray. The reason doctor suspected it was that he was coughing, had a fever of 101.5, breathing hard, low blood oxygen (lower than 93%), but no wheezing (which would have been asthma). X-ray confirmed 100%. So now he's on Motrine for fever control and antibiotics for eradicating the bacteria. 

On the flip side of things, while Little Guy's weight went down to 20th percentile, his height shot up to 71st percentile, which means despite the illnesses, he is still growing like a weed! 

Happy 2nd Birthday!

Two years ago this time, we were still a family of three, getting ready to go to bed while watching season premier of Hawaii 5-0, in our San Francisco loft. Two hours later, Little Guy will set a stage for his entrance to this world by creating his own wave of tsunami all over our $4,000 bed. 

Happy Birthday, my baby, my Little Guy, my love. 

It has been an eventful year. You went from bar

ely crawling to dashing around the house; from babbling to negotiating with complete sentences; from eating your books to reading them by yourself; from drinking mainly milk to eating Singaporean curry with corn on the side. The only thing constant was that the t-shirt you wore one year ago still fits.

Lots has happened. We went through countless bouts of illness; we experienced a huge scare of false suspicion of DS; we passed the crazy stomach virus to each other; we survived HFMD and croup within 10 days...Those days were tough. But we also had many many laughters and delights watching buses on street of Taipei with Ah-Gong and Ah-Mah. Or snuggle with George and watch Olivia. Or simply sitting outside of CPSC doing our daily after-school picnic.

No other joy is greater than that from being with you.

In this coming year, I wish you the safest, healthiest, happiest times to come. And in life, I wish that just like your (Chinese) name implies, a very peaceful and humble life.

Mommy, Daddy, and Twilight love you very very much.

Happy 2nd Birthday, Little Guy.

Bullies and a Mother's Wish

School teacher told me today, that Little Guy can knock his opponents out now during a "fight".

I do not tolerate violence. But I also believe standing up for oneself and defending oneself against violence, especially being smallest in age/size in this world of bullies.

Our parents and teacher used to just tell us, the act of violence is just wrong, period. But what about the cause for such violence? What about self-defense? I feel that the key is to teach Little Guy that it is okay to protect himself, but he should NEVER become a bully.

His parents are both sensible and pragmatic people who can hold opinions of their own and not care much about what others think of ourselves. At the same time, we are also sensitive towards other people's needs and know right from wrong.

I don't wish for Ivy League or fancy title in Little Guy's future, but I do hope he grows to be a man with right set of values.

And of course, eats well, sleeps well, healthy, and happy. (Very tall order!)

About Yummies

In the first 4 months of Little Guy's life, he practically was exclusively breast fed. We started trying the bottles at 3 weeks and it was too late. Not only was he immuned to nipple confusion, but he was also way too crystal clear about what his preference was. So when I had to go back to work at 4 months post-partum, we've tried practically every thing there is to try with the bottles. Often times I ended up singing this endless song that goes something like, "Incoming yummies, incoming yummies, incoming yummies, incoming yummies..." Trust me, the tune is way more interesting than the lyrics. 

So till this day, he still calls his milk bottle "yummies". Or more accurately, "mummus." 

So when it comes to food, we often use words other than "yummies". But they are all yummy! Since he was old enough to try solids, we didn't use rice cereal for long at all. For a foodie like myself, I even went as far as making my own baby food. I can count the jars/packs of pre-packed baby food he's ever consumed in two hands. And most of them are during this one road trip up to Canada. 

And when I make our own baby food, I never added much salt or sugar. But I've always been adventurous when it comes to spices. Spinach oatmeal puree with a hint of cilatnro, basil, and garlic; sweet potato and carrots puree with a sprinkle of cinnamon; chicken soup mush cooked with bay leaves, rubbed sage, and dash of black pepper. Seeing how liberal we used our spices, our nanny started to make him grilled cheese sandwich with dijon mustard! 

However, when he turned one, we've gone through this puzzling change and now back to the original Little Guy. Soon after he turned one, we started to give him soy milk which really went well with his digestive system. Unfortunately with the uncertainty about soy estrogen, we quickly had to switch over to cow's milk. And nothing against cow's milk, but it seems to give him way more constipation than ever! He is also doing quite a lot of vomiting whenever something gags him slightly. More troubling, when he does vomit, food he ate 12 hours ago come back up! How is that possible? Does he have delayed digestion? At the same time, my Little Guy who used to eat anything is refusing practically any solid food and would only drink milk! That worried us and therefore we sought professional help. Upon talking to us for 10 minutes and looked through his chart, the doctor immediately told us his slowed digestion is probably due to his constipation; when the pipe is not clear, nothing goes through! First thing to do is to cut his milk down by at least half. Second thing is to start offering him the food he seemed to resist. 

The result is a little guy who loves marsala tiki chicken over chicken nuggets and turkey chili with a hint of dark chocolate over mac-n-cheese! We got our lovely little eater back! He loves food! Real life adult food too! 

In this world where everyone gives you different ways to raise a child, (where one theory said don't give fish and some hyper-allergenic food until after 1 yo, the other theory said the earlier you give those food, the less he'll have allergies to them when he grows up), I am definitely glad I listened to the latter and stayed adventurous with food. 

After all, what's better than the world of yummies!

Working Mom vs. Working Dad

Recently I interviewed someone for a position at work. Towards the end of a reasonably pleasant interview with ten minutes to spare, I started to chit-chat with him. Do you live around here? How do you like business school? Do you have any kids?

A 40-days old was his answer.

I told him he is crazier than I, who interviewed when Little Guy was just 3 months old and I was still on maternity leave. When he offered the information that his wife doesn't work and both sets of grand parents take turn to come help with child care, I casually made a comment that, "Yah, it's generally easier for working dad than for working mom."

He wanted to argue but smartly backed down.

It puzzles me why he even saw the need to argue. It is much harder on working moms than working dads, PERIOD!

I would never think about comparing working moms and stay-at-home-moms, because I think it often times comes down to reality and personal preference. And regardless which one was the cause, both jobs are extremely taxing. At the same time, I would never think about comparing working moms and working dads either...because there is no comparison could be made!

Do working dads need haul an extra bag of pumping contraption daily to work, and try to schedule at few a couple pumping sessions between meetings? And if not, you may need to be stuck with rock-hard breasts that may start to leak through to your dress shirts? Do working dads need to try to explain to TSA when going through airport security that those frozen bags are indeed breast milk? Do working dads need to make sure they eat constantly so they don't feel like fainting from literally being sucked dry by your offsprings? And it's not just about the breast feeding aspect of things. I heard plenty of working dads able to travel on "necessary" business trips weeks or even days after baby were born. I think I can count a handful of working moms who are able to do so. Yet working moms are expected to perform just the same as working dads.

On top of that, as much as the society wants to demonstrate gender equality, daycares seem to contact moms first prior to dads.

Bottom line is, moms are just super women!

Happy Mother's Day!

Second Mother's Day.

On my first Mother's Day last year, I actually had my son in my arms and my Mom in my apartment. It was suppose to be a day with brunch and lots of wonderful experiences. Turned out, I had to catch a flight out to a conference that afternoon (who starts a conference on Mother's Day?!!) and Little Guy broke out in rash that sent us to Urgent Care. It turned out to be roseola, which by the time of rash made an appearance, the worst has past. It was more a stressful day than a joyous day.

Since this day last year, we've done a whole ton. We moved to the suburbs; we have done two international travel to our hometowns; we celebrated Little Guy's first birthday; we went to our first family football game; we celebrated Daddy's birthday; we survived a winter full of ear infections; we went through our first surgery; we had our first scare; we celebrated Twi-twi's birthday; we celebrated Mommy's birthday.

Little Guy went from a baby just learning to eat solids to a little boy running and talking.

On this second Mother's Day, I am thankful for all the care my own mother has given me over the years. I am thankful for all the pseudo mothers out there, caring for other people's children. I am thankful for having a wonderful son, so I can know the joy of being a mother.

Happy Mother's Day to all.

A Day in the Life of One 5-9 Mom

I cannot say I envy the life of a full-time mom. 

For one, I cannot spend 24-7 with any person/thing, let alone with a baby, however much I love him. But as reality has it, our family cannot afford a stay-home mom, and therefore it often come at the expense of my time and career advancement. (What career?! You said.)

In case you are curious, this is what my typical (good) day looks like:

• 530-6am – Woken up by the Little Guy 
• 6-610am – Trying to wake up (or stay asleep?) while the Little Guy crawls all over you 
• 610-730am – Feed, clean, change the Little Guy while still trying to wake up. Also prepare Little Guy’s lunchbox, if that wasn’t done the night before. Often around this time Ah-Gong and Ah-Ma (grandparents) will call a billion times to get a 2-minute (so they said, it usually end up to be 20 minutes) Facetime with Little Guy. 
• 730-8am – Take turns with Dad to shower while keep Little Guy out of the toilet and away from toilet paper. And get ready for school/work. 
• 8-830am – Daycare drop-off. Often times get pushed out the door before you even get a proper kiss goodbye from Little Guy. 
• 830-9am – Commute. The true alone time you have. 
• 9am-5pm – Work work work. Dealing with other whinny babies who are not related to you. Oh yah, sometimes I need to use lunch time to run an errand, buy grocery, or participate in the seems-like-once-a-week parent-teacher conference that always happens during work hour. 
• 5-540pm – Commute. Not as leisurely this time as it often involves battling traffic and trying to make it to daycare before Little Guy becomes the last to be picked up. 
• 6-610pm – Pick-up. 
• 610-7pm – Grocery shopping or playground. I feel like I go to Trader Joe’s daily. And always to get organic whole milk. 
• 7-730pm – Change out of work clothes within 30 second. Let the Puppy go out to potty and play. Unpack Little Guy’s lunchbox, make Little Guy’s dinner, wash bottles, unload dishwasher, load dishwasher (with new dirty dishes), feed Little Guy, have Little Guy reject your food, make more food, coerce/bribe with the feeding, clean the house, make fresh bottles, play with Little Guy. Oh, and don’t forget to feed the Puppy. 
• 730-8pm – Bath Little Guy. And lots of play. 
• 8pm – Put Little Guy to bed. 
• 8-830pm – Prepare and eat dinner. Often fast food or quick meal, hence the unhealthy weight gain. 
• 830-10pm – Work if needed. Otherwise laundry, prepare Little Guy’s lunchbox, cuddle with the Puppy, read books or do 10 minutes of Pilates if lucky. 
• 10pm-6am – Exhausted. Sleep, unless woken up by Little Guy demanding to eat every 2 hours or hysterical cry due to gassy tummy or constipation, then you can kiss sleep good-bye. 

Now now, don’t get over-excited about the 8pm-6am “free” time. This is the best case scenario. It is when Little Guy is HAPPY AND HEALTHY, Dad is not traveling, and work does not require after-hour meeting or dinner. 

Wash, rinse, repeat!

"The days are long, but the years are short."

It has been 11 months, 29 days, 17 hours, and 35 minutes since I first became a mother. And it has been 11 months, 9 days, 17 hours, and 35 minutes of me, hoping and wishing my little guy grows stronger faster.

"The days are long, but the years are short."

I'm not sure who coined this phrase, but I heard it from a friend on Facebook. I couldn't stop nodding. There is never been a phrase so fitting to the life of a parent.

A year ago this time, I was getting ready to sleep, taking picture of my puppy son Twilight with my newly acquired Panasonic Lumix camera, the one with micro four-third lens that came from Japan. This was before the tsunami.

A year later, much time has passed, many things has happened. And the little fetus in my tummy has come to this world, growing strong and tall, and brought us so much joy and happiness.

And I do remember counting the seconds. Every day, it seemed like an lifetime to me. I longed for the day he becomes more alert, I longed for the day when he can turn, can sit up, can crawl, can stand, can walk. I just can't wait for him to grow up. Yet this 11 months, 29 days, 17 hours, and now 45 minutes have passed in a blink of an eye. A very wise friend once told me, "Kids grow up too fast, so just enjoy every second now, both good and bad." And it can't be more true! I very much love the little boy in front of my eyes, but I also miss the soft little baby in my arms.

Happy Birthday my little guy. It has been the best year of my life with many moments disguised as the worst time. It has been the year with most laughter and probably most tears, yet the bittersweet moments all turned into unforgettable memories. Most importantly, it has been the year when we became a family, a happy family of four.

Thank you for coming to our lives. Mommy and Daddy will forever love you.

Happy Birthday Coltrane.

Speaking (English or Chinese) Like a True Mom

As we have now moved to the suburb and CC started pronouncing his first word, “dada dada”, people have started to ask me about if I will teach him Chinese.

“Yes and no.” I said. With Woz, our main communication language is English, since Woz only knows a few words of Chinese. Therefore, I seem to talk to CC in English most of the time as well. But once in a while, with words we all know together, we then all speak in Chinese.

Having spent my teenage years in the US, I have seen this movie way too many times. Parents insist the children learn Chinese or even Taiwanese, so they only strictly speak to the kids in those languages. Somehow the kids just ended up replying in English anyway. Parents also spend time commuting and sending the kids to weekend Chinese schools, so the little ones now have two sets of schools and homework. So instead of running outdoors and going to parks and museums and zoos and loving to learn from anything and everything, they learn to hate learning…at least Chinese. No, I really don’t want to send CC to Chinese weekend schools, if I can help it (or unless he requested it himself.)
I don’t remember who I heard it from, but a few months ago someone told me, “You should teach him to love to learn. If they love to learn, they will be able to learn what they love and be good at it. They will also keep improving themselves throughout their lives.”

What a wise advice!

In this world of Tiger Moms, I am not so sure if my son will be able to beat 95% of his schoolmates in getting more than 1600 on their SATs (Do they still take SAT? You know what I mean.) How do you beat perfection? You can’t. But a person can be unique. A person can be loving, fun, interesting, responsible (personally, financially, and socially), generous, and most importantly, understands oneself. I think having these common values will take my little CC much further in life than getting perfect scores on SAT/MCAT/LSAT, or be able to speak Chinese.

Sixth Month as a Mom

Happy 6 months birthday to CC!!

I’m not sure why, but back when CC was younger and I was struggling with CC’s fussiness, I’ve always told myself, “It’ll be a lot better when he gets to be 6 months!” Probably because I was so looking forward to a baby who has strong enough neck control and can also interact with me. Now at 6 month-old, CC is way more than just “better”!

My little guy has the cutest smile in the whole world. With his big brown eyes and puffy cheeks, he looks more like a cartoon monkey than a human baby! Did I say I think he’s the cutest baby in the world?!

Six months, marks a tremendous milestone for everyone in this family.

Feeding
Yes, our favorite topic. So after the battle of the bottles in the last two months, he is now happily taking bottle at daycare and at home. But as 6 mo looms around the corner, we decided to break him into formula and solids at 5.5 month. We first started with the popular Similac fussiness and gassy formula. Unfortunately, it makes him more gassy! Not only that, it smells and taste like rotten fish! Who would want to drink that?! Not me, and certainly not Mr. CC! Instead of giving him 3 4-oz bottles of breastmilk daily for daycare, I made 3 bottles of 1:3 formula:breastmilk. So instead of drinking all 12oz, he ended up drinking only 9oz! Well, I might as well just give him 9oz of pure breastmilk then! So that was a defeat. What’s worse is, since we mix formula with breastmilk, we can no longer keep the breastmilk! Very wasteful. So we went and search for another formula. Well, we heard Enfamil is even worse tasting, but Gerber’s Good Start is decent. So we went and bought 8 tiny glasses of Good Start, and did a tasting testing ourselves first.  Hmm…actually decent enough that I would drink it! However, Mr. CC somehow still prefers his breastmilk, so we struggled a little more. Finally, I decided to give him one bottle of pure formula early in the morning. If he drinks it, good. If not, he’ll be hungry enough to drink the 9oz of breastmilk in the later meals. No verdict yet, but at least we won’t be wasting breastmilk!

So that’s the story of formula. I still hope to migrate to not pumping at all during work hours.

Next, the story of solids. We purchased Earth’s Best Whole Grain Rice Cereal with Apple. The first try I mixed it with cold breastmilk from the fridge and it ended with a disastrous puke. But every baby love cereal!! Well, not Mr. CC…until the second try, when we really warmed up the sweet formula. This time, he was all chilled and laid back, sitting on his lamb chair, opening his mouth when the spoon is near, like the King of Persia! The next few tries are not exactly so successful, but definitely better than formula.

School Activities
I never thought someone so tiny has so much to do at school! In the 2 months in school/daycare, CC has already made some incredible art works! He finger painted his brother Twilight, made some cutsie foot prints, and foot mold!

Less Than 99.99% Mommy

After breastfeeding exclusive for 5.5 months, CC had formula for the first time. He usually takes 4-oz of breast milk only at any given feeding from the bottle during the day. So now, I changed the content to 1-oz formula, 3-oz breast milk (25% formula). Surprisingly, for someone who is always super picky, he took it well. However, he seems to stop at 3-oz, instead of finishing the whole 4-oz. Needless to say, I felt cheated! “Could’ve just given you the 3-oz of breast milk instead of wasting .75-oz of breast milk and .25-oz of formula!” I think he would’ve taken all 4-oz of breast milk, if it were all BM.


And yes, when you’ve been hauling a bag of contraptions day-in and day-out to work, and pump diligently only to get 9-oz daily, you do nickel and dime the baby.


Part of me was really happy he took formula so easily (trust me, it smelled gross!) Part of me felt slightly guilty of depriving him 25% of his god-given rights to natural nutrients.
The societal pressure on Moms to breastfeed is acting up subconsciously, even for someone with strong self-will like me.


Coincidentally, I was reading an article on Golden Gate Mother’s Group magazine, about why we think breastfeeding should be easy, and what Moms wished someone had told them before they started the whole process. One of the most common sentiment was, “I wish someone has told me, while breastfeeding is invaluable, it is NOT at any cost.”


Note the key words here, “Not at any cost.”


I have mommy friends who stressed over breastfeeding for weeks until they finally gave up, full of guilt. I also have mommy friends who are so desperate they were willing to buy other people’s breast milk! To think feeding your baby someone’s bodily fluid! Yuck! Why do we think it’s better than formulated nutrients?


It is absolutely scary.


What people don’t tell you is, the journey of breastfeeding is tough. Exclusively breastfeeding makes it even worse. Our society has always given parents a lot of pressure in every possible way. But this one, breastfeeding, it’s all Moms’. We feel, short of allowing the baby to eat us away for 6 months 100%, we are being bad mothers.


Motherhood is NOT measured by how much you breastfed.


I know the WHO and AAP (American Academy of Pediatrics) promote exclusively breastfed up till 6 months, and continues to breast feed until 1.5 years. In a perfect world, that would be everyone’s dream. But I have a feeling that these guidelines are written by people who are either non-Moms, Moms who don’t work, or Moms who just had an easy time breastfeeding.


Let me start from the top.


Your “suffering” starts at day 1. After the work of labor or c-section, you are immediately told to hold and feed your baby. And most importantly, “Make sure he has a good latch and make sure he’s swallowing!” What does that suppose to mean? If you think 3 hours of breastfeeding class can teach you how to do it perfectly, you are WRONG! We were lucky to have stayed in the hospital for 4 days, and therefore had numerous nurses teaching us the correct latching method. But not everyone has that “luxury”.


Then comes day 3-4, when your milk really starts to “come in”. “What? You mean the baby wasn’t drinking milk in the last couple days?” No, it was colostrum, aka liquid gold. But now when your milk really starts to come in, you will feel the engorgement. Best way to describe it is having two lead-feel-alike half balls bolted on your chest, making it hard even to breath. Yah, it was that good.


Then you go home, and the hard work has just started. You feed around the clock, every 2 hours. You feed for 15 minutes each side, diligently writing the feeding time down, and then burp for another 10 minutes, diaper him afterwards because most likely he’s soiled during the feeding, put him to sleep, and repeat after another hour or so. Good times.


Then at 3 weeks, you were told to introduce bottles and start pumping. But of course you have no idea how often to pump and when to pump. So now instead of just feeding him and getting it done in 30 minutes, you now have to pump while he’s a sleep. And let’s not forget bottle/nipple washing and sterilization. Your life revolve around your little man’s oral intake.


Then you say, “Oh, I’m not going back to work yet, so I’ll just do bottles once a week. At most twice.” Well…at 6 weeks post-partum, halfway through your maternity leave, you realized your baby now completely refuse bottles. Who was it that told you they’ll have nipple confusion and will prefer bottle instead of you?!!!


So you stress over the bottle feeding, have him throw fits when someone else tries to feed him, and have him looking at you with those big puppy eyes, pleading to have you instead of the bottle. Meanwhile, your pumping schedule is now all wrong, your milk ducts start to clog up, when you’re not feeding him you are trying to get the clogs out. Your life now is full of hot showers, hand-expression, cabbage leaves, peppermint, and lots and lots of PAIN. So much pain you almost wish to just stop breastfeeding altogether.


But he is still not taking the bottle, so that will mean he will starve…You now wish you never started breastfeeding and just went straight to formula.


Then, finally, you had to go back to work. He goes to daycare/nanny, it took him few days to learn to eat from the bottle, and he lost some weight in the meanwhile. It pains you to part with him every morning, it pains you even more to see him at the evening, looking much thinner. All the while, every day you carry an extra bag to work, just so you can pump at work. And hopefully your work place has a fridge to keep those precious yummies.


In a few weeks, your little man is now happily eating from the bottle. In fact, he’s eating A LOT from the bottles. More than you can pump at work. You start to dip into the freezer stash, and wished you had pump more during when you had over-supply problem. Every day your little man is eating more than you can pump. Every day you try to count calories but this time you want to hit 3000 Cal/day. Every day you see the digits on the scale goes down when you’re on it, but not necessary go up when your little man’s on it. Where did it all go???


Now at 2 weeks short of 6 months, you gave in. Yes that was me. I marched into BabiesRUs, spending money on food for CC for the first time. And for the first time in his life, he is no longer 99.99% Mommy.


Again, this journey was very very very challenging.


At any given time, I always tell myself, “Just one more day.” And the one more day has come to be 5.5 months. It probably will continue to go on for a few more days, weeks, or (do I dare to say it?!!) months. But now I have the comfort of knowing, even if I just vanished tomorrow, CC will not starve. He may not be 99.99% Mommy any longer physically, he will always be 100% the love of my life.


And that, is priceless, even more so than a few ounces of liquid gold.


=========================================================
P.S. For all the Moms-to-be, I beg of you, PLEASE do not stress yourself over breastfeeding. Do what you can, go one day at a time. And remember, it is perfectly okay to do formula!!

Blessed

Today, I got my major dose of reality check.

I was searching for formulas and I came across this blog site: http://wwwourunexpectedjourney.blogspot.com/

At first I was just reading without much thought. I mean, it was just a blog site of a mom of three. Then, I realized it's a mom of a Down Syndrome baby boy.

I always have a soft spot in my heart for people with DS, and their families.

From a young age of a few months until I was 4, I had a nanny across the street from my house. Every day I would go over to her house while my parents go to work. She was my favorite nanny and I am pretty sure I was her favorite baby too. She, has a daughter with DS. Her name means "beautiful", and she is truly a very sweet and beautiful girl (and now lady). She was always very sweet to me, and she "protects" me when her brothers teased me. SHe was an older sister I never had.

Last year, they came to my wedding banquet in Taiwan. It meant a lot to me.

A year ago when I was pregnant with CC and was going through all the genetic testing, I knew I would never be able to keep the baby if he were to have DS. Not because of any prejudice, but because I didn't think (and still don't) I am strong enough to raise a baby so special. I do have full respect for any parents who choose to take on that challenge in life.

Amidst all the complains about how CC is not sleeping through the night still at 5.5 months and how he posed such a challenge of taking bottles, today, I had a hard case of reality check. If those are the only "issues" we're having with CC, we are truly blessed. Life could be a lot more challenging and there are people smiling and marching forward, even with those challenges.

Fifth Month as a Mom

I am quite ashamed. Although I have all the excuses in the world, I definitely have been less than diligent in keeping CC’s journal alive. Actually, come to think of it, this is MY journal which CC has hijacked!

Back to the subject.

Here is the 5th month as a mom.

Daycare


After the fiasco of resisting bottles, looking like poor orphan when Mommy leaves every morning, and eventual first illness, we have definitely turned a new page when it comes to daycare now. CC got a new primary teacher (Yoohoo! we secretly didn’t love the first one.) who absolutely adores him! All the other teachers love hanging with him as well! More importantly, he is enjoying daycare so much, sometimes I think he cries in protest on our drive home! Unfortunately, we may only be at the daycare for three more months…But that’s another topic.

Sleep Training and Battle of the Bottles


One of the most dreaded event in my life. Not because of anything else, but the need to have him “cry it out”. Part of me knows his cry is nothing but words of protest and not psychological trauma, it was still the hardest 45 minutes (or however long) in my life. But, such training wasn’t without any benefit. While he has yet to be sleeping through the night every night (and this is most likely because his demand for milk is surpassing my ability to supply him), he has learned to drink from the bottle very well. We no longer have a starving baby in school! We have also learned to decipher his “words” a little better. Well, money very well spent.

New Job


Well, this is “Fifth month as a MOM”, not “Fifth month as a baby”, right?! Yes, New job. I started a new job with a 4.5 mo. Busy? Most definitely. Crazy? Just ever so slightly. Mistake? Of course not. While I understand my new duty as a Mom and would do everything to play this role well, I also understand I am first and foremost, an individual. I’ve been wanting a new job, something in product marketing, for the last two years. This is my dream-come-true and therefore I will work extra hard to keep it a reality. Yes people have sarcastically teased about how nutty I was to do so, but what else is more important than being happy?! So now one months into the job, I am, still undoubtedly, very content with my choice.

First Family Cold

Picture from: toniyammine.posterous.com

Today, marks the last day of the first family cold in the Wozniak family.

Or I’d like to think so.

Last week, with CC as patient zero in this family, we all got sick. None of our symptoms are completely alike, but the misery was mutual. In addition to the aches and sneezes and coughs, Papa Woz and Mama Woz also had to be up every hour to care for Baby Woz. It was miserable.

It’s the fastest we’ve ever consumed saline, Kleenex, and hot ginger tea.

So, today, as the last day of Chinese Tiger year, we would like to get rid of all these nasty bugs. And start the wonderful Rabbit year with sound and healthy body!

It Takes a Village to Raise a Child

“It takes a village to raise a child.” Something I’ve heard ever since I before I was pregnant.

While you’re the one with the child, someone else always have some suggestion or advice for you. Sometimes they are your parents, sometimes they are your friends, sometimes they are non-parents themselves. They mean well, and they really do, but inevitable judgments are passed on along with the well intentions.

It is especially apparent now CC is sick with his first cold.

People blamed the daycare…and I do too. But while blaming the daycare, they also are criticizing my decision in sending him to daycare. Do I have a choice? Yes I do. You always have a choice in life. But it’s a matter of it’s a reasonable choice.

I don’t want to coup him up at home with a nanny, because I do want him to be socialized as early as possible, given he is most likely going to be an only child. I also don’t trust any one single person to tend to him without any other watchful eyes. I mean, I don’t even trust myself alone with him!

I don’t want to be a stay-at-home Mom. I know, it’s again, choice. But being home for the 3 months during maternity leave made me realize I am very ill-suited for such a life. For the sanity of everyone in the family, this is not an option.

I do wish I can have my village here to raise this child for me. But my “village” is either in Kamloops, Canada, or Taipei, Taiwan. If there were any “one” person I would trust to care for CC alone, that’ll be my Mom, my aunts, and my sister-in-law. But, it’s all wishful thinking.

My last option is to send him to a daycare. Yes, I hate it. As a person who was an extremely timid and shy child, I would cry and cry and cry when going to a new school. So it pains me to say good-bye to CC every morning, especially when he is starting to have stranger and separation anxiety. I also hate it because it took me months to train him to take the bottle in preparation for daycare, and even then he’s not drinking much, and it pains me to see my child hungry. And then I hate it because he can hardly nap at daycare, being so sensitive to noises. And then I hate it because 3 days into daycare, he is now down with his first cold.

I hate it. There are times in this past week when I’m alone, at the verge of tears, wishing for my own Mom.

In this modern Western society, we are lucky to have doctors who aren’t filling us with chemicals, but told us, “No medicine needed, he’ll work it out himself.” But between the puking due to snot in throat and 101F fever, I wished I could give him something to make it all better, even if it’s me taking over all the discomfort. Wishful thinking did come true and now I’m down with it as well, making me the anti-viral factory to make him better faster. But it doesn’t remove the suffering from him completely. Every time I saline-drop him and using the nose-suction device on him, he is always screaming and fighting but looking so tiny and helpless at the same time. Even Twilight couldn’t stand it and comes by for moral support. Yet immediately afterwards, he would cling to me as if he has already forgotten I am the devil with the mean nose-sucking apparatus, sobbing and whimpering but finally with a cleared nasal passage. He forgives me instantly and is even grateful.

Talk about being brave, and talk about breaking your heart.

So we are here, 4 days into this nasty cold, our little village of 3 people and 1 dog, stayed brave and keep plugging along.

Fourth Month as a Mom

Battle of the Bottles
[3M6D] OMG! CC took bottle from me, the original milk vending machine! Yoohoo Horray! Lately we’ve been heading out a lot, so in the absence of bottle or myself when he’s in carseat, we give him his monkey binky, which shaped very similar to the bottle nipple. Maybe that helped him identify with the bottle nipple, he is now definitely happier with the bottle! :) We’ve also tried hard to keep up the habit over the Christmas holiday so our nanny won’t have to re-do the work all over again.

[3M2W1D] Another OMG moment! CC took the bottle from Mara this time without even as much as a whimper! As part of the new year resolution for  both myself and CC, we have decided to make bottle drinking as one of the item. And on first day of the year, he started to do so! It did take a lot of experimenting to get here though. We tried different bottles, different nipples, different apparatus, different positions, different background music/TV shows, different milk temperatures…You name it, we’ve tried it. Finally, we went back to the very first bottle we used, and it worked! So you can imagine how proud Mommy must feel to see it all come together! 2.5 months of stress and hard work has finally come to fruition. I must say, it’s better than any work recognition!
Although somehow I think CC was motivated by my promise of, “The sooner you take the bottle nicely, the sooner you’ll get to have all sorts of different yummies!” ;)

Sleep
[3M4D] Wow, did that just happen? On the night of Christmas Day, CC slept for 6 hours straight! A Christmas miracle!

[3M1W1D] Okay, I don’t want to jinx it, but this is the third day in the same week that CC has slept for close to 5-hr stretch! In fact, last night, he slept for a 5.5-hr session (9-230am), then another 5-hr session (3-8am)! And he didn’t even put up a fight during the night feeding! He just ate, burped, ate again, and sleep! Yay! We’re definitely going to strengthen his day routine and hopefully that’ll transfer to his night sleep pattern too.

[3M2W1D] Oh I probably jinxed it. He’s back to feeding every 2.5 hours at night! Although it could also be he’s cold, he peed, he has gas pain, or all of the above.

Sleeping Arrangement
[3M1W1D] We are trying to finalize the sleeping arrangement with CC. From the very beginning, we know it’s not realistic to do family bed. Simply because we already have a family bed situation going on with Twilight. And baby + puppy + two adults on the same bed, albeit king size bed, is just not a good idea. So we have had CC sleep in his own crib in our room during night time, and portable crib in livingroom during the day time for the first month.

By the second month, we’ve noticed even though everyone tells you to let baby sleep in noisy, well-lit room during the day to establish his day/night pattern, it is just not working for the very sensitive CC! He wakes at every little noise or light, so we found ourselves tiptoeing like thieves in the house. And he is not getting good sleeps, which makes him more cranky at night! At which point, we moved him into the new spare room and sleep on the futon. At night, we also took down one side of his crib and side-cart it to our bed, so it’s easier on me after night feedings.

By the third month, we realized the side-carting is difficult on our backs to put him back to his crib, and it’s not really saving me any effort at night. So we put his crib back to how it was, but left it in our room still.

This month, we finally had all our guests gone, so now officially turning the guest room into CC’s nursery. We’ve moved the portable crib, as well as all his clothes and supplies into the room. We’re waiting for when his sleep pattern strengthens a bit more, then we will move his full-size crib down and have him sleep in his own room at night too. Hopefully that will happen by next month.

There’s an App for that
[3M1W1D] Yes, there is an iPhone App for just about anything. I keep track of CC’s feeding pattern for a good two months on Excel spreadsheet on a laptop on the night-stand. It got too tiring after a while and I have given up since. However, now we know he has an solid feeding pattern, we are actually more curious about his sleeping pattern. And with the lack of sleep at night, Woz and I sometimes wake up wondering, “Did he wake up at X time last night?” Well, there is an App for that! A friend we met at the baby play date told us about Baby Connect, which not only tracks baby’s eating, sleeping, and pooping/peeing pattern, it also tracks things such as vaccination, growth, medication!

What’s more, instead of having to graph out the growth curve ourselves, it does all the computation and graphing for us, and we can even see things online! Seriously baby data mining we have going on here! And the best part is, all for $4.99!

No more laptop by the bed emitting radiation to my brain while I sleep!

Back to Work
[3M2W] At exactly 3.5 months, Mommy went back to work for the first time. Leaving not-so-solid-bottle-drinker CC with the nanny for 6.5 hours. Although nanny said I can call to check on him, I was too nervous that I would hear baby screaming his guts out and therefore worry for the rest of the day.
So I didn’t. I looked at his pictures, I showed off his pictures, I talked about him, I tried to catch up with work…anything but worry about him. And I went home to a slightly struggled but happy baby. Absolutely love my little guy!

Life is Fair…Or Is It Unfair?

Picture from: http://www.intomobile.com/2010/09/23/poll-how-do-you-feel-about-tiered-pricing-is-it-fair/

At 3.5 months post partum, I have a body that makes CC proud to wear, “My Mom is out of your league” onesie. Oh correction, it was 2 months post partum. With my 50-lb weight gain during pregnancy, I was very lucky that not much of those 50-lbs landed on me.

But, when you gain some, you lose some…or is it the other way around?

After a relatively easy pregnancy (and I stress the word “relative”) and quick labor (c-section, he was out in 10 minutes), we fought the parenting battle every second of our lives since. It was the jaundice, the acid reflux, the gassiness, the battle of the bottles, and now, the je-ne-sais-quoi.

Really, I don’t know what’s going on.

He wakes easily (just as easily as 3.5 months ago), and then he either goes into a crying fit, or he doesn’t want to sleep. He has absolutely no patience for anything, and again goes into a crying fit. He still has gas problem, and goes into a crying fit for that too. I can think of a million possibilities of how his physical being is affecting him, but I just no longer feel that’s the case.

So why is it so unfair that we get such a fussy little guy? Is it to make up for all the cuteness and the “easy” pregnancy? In that sense, life is fair.

Truth is, I hate to think of myself as a failing mother this early on in my baby’s life. But it is very very hard not to. Especially when I’m such a scientist by training, especially when I believe for every reaction, there must be an action that triggered it. Is his "bad” (and I’m using this term very very loosely) behavior a reaction to anything I did? I thought about all of it so much that I grind my teeth at night and have tight jaw muscles when awake.

It’s hard not to think there is no relevance. It’s even harder to read and hear stories of all these wonderful babies around us, or people say, “He’ll grow out of it.” but you see no light at the end of the tunnel.

Regardless whether life is fair or unfair, I truly love CC, but I also truly wish I know what is going on.

Baby Must-have’s, Nice-to-have’s, and Shouldn’t-have’s (Part 3)

(Last part, and it doesn’t seem like I don’t have any “shouldn’t have” yet…)

Baby swing / bouncer
CC is very different from most babies. He hates the baby swing. We ended up have to return our faulty Fisher-Price Zen Collection swing and got a bouncer. At 3 months, he sometimes like the bouncer, so that’s not exactly that worth the money either.


Verdict: It may work with other baby, but not really necessary with CC.


Baby carrier
We got two Ergo carriers from friends. They do feel quite comfortable when we use them. But, we don’t really go out that much like most parents either, and when we do, at almost 14lb now, we hardly ever wear CC. I have to say though, the few times I do wear him to go to restaurants, it does keep  him calm and warm.

Verdict: Depends on how much you think you’ll wear your baby. I say it’s a nice-to-have.

Music mobile and play gym
At 3 months, we still haven’t really used the music mobile we got for CC. At first it was because it’s in the way when we try to put him down in bed, and he doesn’t seem to be interested at all. Now we just sort of forgot about it. But he does start to take an interest in things hanging from above him now. We received a play gym and he absolutely loves it! We just put the play gym on the livingroom floor, and he can amuse himself for almost 30 minutes!

Verdict: Must have if you think you’ll spend a lot of time on the floor with your newborn. Otherwise, wait until the third month.

Swaddles
Yes, YOU SHALL ALWAYS SWADDLE. Don’t worry if they put up a fight while you are trying to swaddle them. Don’t worry if they look like little dolls in strait jackets. Don’t worry if they still fuss after swaddled. The truth is, they all love it! We learned from the Happiest Baby on the Block about the concept of 4th trimester and we are firm believers of that. So for a while (and still does), we try to create an environment as similar to the womb for CC as possible. Including tightly snuggled in swaddle. It’s magical, but sometimes he somehow get his arm(s) out and that’s when he wakes himself from his sleep! Not kidding.

So back to the swaddles themselves. We tried a few types. There is the square blanket the hospital used and taught you to use; there is the Miracle Blanket, there is the velcro Kiddopotamus, and there is the Halo Sleepsack Swaddle.

The hospital square blanket is great simply because you want to teach yourself to learn how to use it, in case that is all you have at hand. Also, since it’s just a piece of cloth, it’s easier to adjust to different baby sizes by folding them. Much more economical. But let’s be honest, who wants to be doing the left-in-left-up-right-tug at three in the morning, when they told you  to “keep the lights low so baby won’t think it’s daytime!” Nobody that’s who. So there are the other ready made alternatives.

We were given two Miracle Blankets and have heard people swear by them. They are great because it has additional internal flaps to secure the baby’s arms. However, after securing their arms, you need to wrap the outer flap around the baby twice! Between keeping his arms tugged and lifting him and wrapping him, it’s usually a 2-person task. It does keep their arms in nicely better than the other two, although I have learned a trick on solving that problem too, with the other two options.


So next, the Kiddopotamus. Instead of two internal arm flaps and one outer large flap, you get two flaps that has velcro on them. Simply wrap and velcro, and you’re done! Wonder wonder for night time. Also, it comes in micro-fleece, so it’s great for winter babies. One problem is if you have a Houdini baby who always manages to get his arms out, it’s not as ideal. BUT, I did notice that when you dress them in long sleeves, due to the friction between his clothes and the swaddle, it’s harder for them to get their arms out. Do remember to buy the correct size though. And yes, like any baby clothing, they outgrow them pretty fast.


Last, Halo Sleepsack Swaddle. I don’t know why I never knew of this before. It’s a sleep sack that has a velcro-on flap for the arms only! So when baby is awake, you can keep him in the sleep sack and not have to worry about his feet gets cold. When it’s time for sleep, just put on the velcro arm swaddle flap and you’re ready! The center zipper zips from the top down, so you can open from the bottom and change the baby without even taking them out of the swaddle! Halo’s swaddle part has very large areas for velcro, so it’s more forgiving for baby growth and easier for parents. 

Verdict: Swaddle is a must. I would go for Kiddopotamus or Halo though. And yes, get them before baby arrives and learn to use them.

Bath essentials  and grooming kit
Well, yes and no. At 3 months, we have only used the all-purpose J&J bathing gel with CC. Didn’t even open the shampoo or diaper powder or anything else. We did have to use the baby oil and brush/comb to get his cradle cap out. We now bath CC every night, but only 2-3 times a week do we use bath gel.

As for grooming kit, they need it. Especially nail filer, nail cutter, and brush/comb. Of course, if you have one that has slow growth in nails or have no hair, then don’t worry about it.
Verdict: It’s not something you need to get before baby or even immediately after. Even if you need it, you can always get them at any grocery store, Target, or Amazon.

Parenting books
Yes you can pretty much find everything from the Internet. But with a baby in tow, you can’t possibly always have time or hands to go online. I happen to have Kindle which allows me to read my books on my iPhone. So I bought a few parenting books. In all honesty, they don’t say much other than common sense. But as first-time parents, our parenting common sense just isn’t enough, or we just fear so. Here are a few books I’ve bought. Oh, I would suggest buying them and reading them at least once PRIOR to the baby. Because it’s hard to read when you are sleep deprived. :) You can always reference back later.

Also, please also note I am NOT a supporter of Cry-It-Out method and therefore my opinion on parenting books is very subjective.

• The Happiest Baby on the Block: The New Way to Calm Crying and Help Your Newborn Baby Sleep Longer, by Dr Harvey Karp – I tend to like this book the most. It preaches the concept of “4th trimester”, which makes a lot of sense to me. And we have used many of his techniques with our fussy CC and they all worked! One very key point is, you have to recognize sometimes it takes more than one techniques, more than 10-15 minutes with those techniques, to change a baby’s state of fussiness. In short, be patient. Note, this also comes in DVD, which many sleep-deprived parents prefer.
• Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child , by Dr. Marc Weissbluth – This book come highly recommended by our pediatrician, but boy was it difficult to read. I felt like I’m reading JAMA rather than a parenting book! Lots of statistics and experimental details, which I feel parents could be spared of. It puts me to sleep before it puts the baby to sleep! (Maybe I should read this to CC then?!) One key take-away is, have a routine for your baby, but NEVER let your baby/toddler be awake for more than two hours at any given time. I’ve stick to that and sometimes if we get close to or go slightly beyond two hours, we do find CC gets very drowsy and even over-tired and fussy. I wouldn’t recommend buying this unless you are into doing heavy research.
• The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, by Elilzabeth Pantley – It’s a book I think would be better bought in paperback rather than e-book format. Simply because its formatting and style. As for content, I do like her gentle approach of sleep training. No, I don’t believe babies younger than 3 months old (that’s CC’s current age and I can only speak to this based on my current experience) can be manipulative. I also believe when they are old enough to be manipulative, they are old enough to be reasoned with. And therefore, I don’t believe young babies should be left to cry. For one, I don’t have the heart to leave my CC to cry so I get a few more minutes of shut-eye every night. To quote Pantley, "The irrefutable truth is that we cannot change a comfortable, loving-to-sleep (but waking-up-all-night) history to a go-to-sleep-and-stay-asleep-on-your-own routine without one of two things: crying or time. Personally, I choose time."
• What Babies Say Before They Can Talk, by Dr. Paul Holinger and Kalia  Doner – I bought this book but just haven’t had the chance to really start it. Can’t comment on it yet but I think it’s an interesting read.

Verdict: It’s not a matter of must-have or not, it’s a matter of peace of mind for first-time parents. Therefore, just get them!


Baking soda (yes, baking soda)
Oh what a cheap smell-saver! We buy a small box of Arm and Hammer baking soda (don’t make a mistake and buy baking powder!!) and keep it by the diaper pail/changing table. We sprinkle some into the diaper pail at times and it totally keeps the smell from coming out!

Verdict: Must have for your nose sanity