Life is Fair…Or Is It Unfair?

Picture from: http://www.intomobile.com/2010/09/23/poll-how-do-you-feel-about-tiered-pricing-is-it-fair/

At 3.5 months post partum, I have a body that makes CC proud to wear, “My Mom is out of your league” onesie. Oh correction, it was 2 months post partum. With my 50-lb weight gain during pregnancy, I was very lucky that not much of those 50-lbs landed on me.

But, when you gain some, you lose some…or is it the other way around?

After a relatively easy pregnancy (and I stress the word “relative”) and quick labor (c-section, he was out in 10 minutes), we fought the parenting battle every second of our lives since. It was the jaundice, the acid reflux, the gassiness, the battle of the bottles, and now, the je-ne-sais-quoi.

Really, I don’t know what’s going on.

He wakes easily (just as easily as 3.5 months ago), and then he either goes into a crying fit, or he doesn’t want to sleep. He has absolutely no patience for anything, and again goes into a crying fit. He still has gas problem, and goes into a crying fit for that too. I can think of a million possibilities of how his physical being is affecting him, but I just no longer feel that’s the case.

So why is it so unfair that we get such a fussy little guy? Is it to make up for all the cuteness and the “easy” pregnancy? In that sense, life is fair.

Truth is, I hate to think of myself as a failing mother this early on in my baby’s life. But it is very very hard not to. Especially when I’m such a scientist by training, especially when I believe for every reaction, there must be an action that triggered it. Is his "bad” (and I’m using this term very very loosely) behavior a reaction to anything I did? I thought about all of it so much that I grind my teeth at night and have tight jaw muscles when awake.

It’s hard not to think there is no relevance. It’s even harder to read and hear stories of all these wonderful babies around us, or people say, “He’ll grow out of it.” but you see no light at the end of the tunnel.

Regardless whether life is fair or unfair, I truly love CC, but I also truly wish I know what is going on.